The fairytale of relationship

Much has been said about relationships, books upon books of poetry, advice, stories, and millions of movies.

But deep down, I don’t think that there is a person who hasn’t once questioned, is this really how its supposed to be?

Many of us, have grown up with the idea of the fairytale relationship, that there is one person out there who is made for you, and when you find them, it is true love. Some call this a soul mate, there is a belief in destiny with that one person, and some will go through their entire lives without finding that “idea” of a soulmate in another.

Where did this come from? There are approximately 8 billion other souls on the planet at this very moment, why is it just one that can be that soul mate or true love?

We have been raised to believe that we are meant to find that one, and spend the rest of our lives with them, whether we have children, or buy a house or travel with them, however that ‘image’ of soulmate plays into our minds. We also have these ideas about ‘love’.

But what if we’ve had it all wrong to begin with.

Lets rewind the tape a bit and go back to just before you were born.

Lets say you were told then, right at the beginning, and it was very obvious to you, that the entire purpose of your life here was to grow, and find out who you really are, to remember fully your own divinity. To see the oneness and connection in everything. But this was not to be a simple task, as there would be much along the way to distract you. There would be pain, and anger, jealousy, frustration, there would be wars on the planet where other souls who had forgotten who they were as well and had forgotten their goal, were killing each other. There would be pain, and discomfort and disease in the body that you and all others were given to move around in, in this world. Some would get confused and focus on their body as being their goal, others would confuse the goal with accumulating material items, yet others would focus on success, as they saw what others accomplished as being the reason why they were here so they would focus on that, and all they saw success to be.

And then others would focus on relationship, trying to hold onto another, illusively trying to catch love. And for the majority it was a combination of all of these. And yet when they would aquire what they felt was their goal, there would be some initial excitement, but it would be very short lived, and they would feel empty, and alone. And so they would focus on another goal and try to attain the next step which they felt would bring them the eternal happiness and peace they were looking for.

And this would continue on and on, until their passing out of the body.

So, I ask you…has this come upon your mind..that possibly, we have become confused. Some of the others are a bit easier to see, but relationship I feel is by far the most complex and difficult to see through, at least in my experience it has been.

The beauty of this confusion is that, once you dis-identify with the body, and with objects, and ideas and labels. These things that once distracted you, can simply serve as a mirror to your true self, they can serve as a barometer of how far you’ve come, and how close you are to completing what you have truely come here to do.

Your partner, or that relationship, no matter how imperfect (as all relationships are imperfect, it is the nature of the experiential world), are beautiful in their respects, and can serve as a signpost to you along your path, but will never fulfill the longing, of the path that is inside of you. They cannot become the path.

A good example of this confusion is, lets say you are training for the olympics, have learned how to ski and many around you are in awe of how graceful and strong you are in it. And you have been training for this your whole life, you have the best skiis , the best trainers, you’ve trained in all different environments, and you feel you are ready.

Now everyone knows that completing the course with as much grace as possible, is the goal. But just as you are about to begin, and you put your skiis on, you lose sight of the goal, and become enamoured with the skiis. They are so beautiful, and magnificient, they have been with you the entire time you’ve trained. And you begin to focus on the skiis.

Now imagine doing the course, while focusing the entire time on the skiis. Losing sight of the main goal. What happens?

Well I can imagine you wouldn’t get very far. This is a good example of what happens when we begin life here. We see others living differently, our parents, our sibilings, teachers, other peers, grandparents. We see differently on television, in books, we become asleep and unfocused to our real purpose here, as we see others striving for things that simply fall short of fulfilling that inner deep longing.

It may be difficult to see how one could so easily get caught up in something like “skiis” and miss the goal entirely. But we cannot forget that there is much in this world to distract, the drama of human suffering is very deep and has been here for thousands of years. But of course this divine play has been designed exactly this way for many reasons.

Without this, there would be no contrast, the longing in you to know what you eternally are, and to merge fully with source would not be as strong if there wasn’t pain there to drive you to it.

These relationships would not be so enticing if they were not there to reflect to you your own awareness, flaws, pains, and story, so that you can transcend it. We can get lost in many things, tv, the internet, food, sex, caffine, drugs, work, relationships, material things, the list goes on and on. So we ask why then do these hold such power over us?

The power they hold is what we hand over to them when we are willing to accept the lie for the truth, and crave the quick satisfaction of something that can never ever fulfill. We seek ourselves. But of course, we want the quickest and most painless way possible and so we take the surface things over the depth. This can go on for lifetimes, but at some point, it will all seem fruitless, and you will become disillusioned to the whole play.

And that is its very purpose. You must want more than anything the truth of your own being, to experience what is essentially real. Not the emotions, thoughts, people or environments which will constantly change. This is another quick fix. By grabbing on to these things and identifying with them, we quickly lose sight of what is essentially true, and has always been there, and will always be there. We take this as growth, as expanding ourselves, adding more unto ourselves, but again, as you have experienced countless times, it does not last very long, and leaves us craving more. It is unsatisfiable on the surface, it will continue the hunger. It is the soul, our beingness that desires more depth, that wants to go deeper, to go into the esctacy of what never changes, what is always there.

But as the fear reflects, to the mind, to what wants the quick satisfaction, this is hell, this is painful, and dark, and alone. Because you cannot take any of these other things with you. It essentially is about facing death right now, because sooner or later, you will face it. Why not willingly do so? Procrastination tends to only make things more difficult than what they have to be.

Now I won’t kid you, its not an easy path, but from my perspective, neither was the one I was on before this. That one was wrought with pain, and anger, and humiliation, and more pain. The reward on this path, is the reward of knowing who you are, outside of careers, families, money, achievements, religion, and image. That which never dies. It will satisfy your desire for connection beyond anything you have ever experienced. You will recognize that which you have craved in a partner is right inside you this very moment.

Because simply our partners can only be a reflection of ourselves, so everything that frustrates you about them, what you feel they won’t do or give to you, what you want them to be, is what frustrates you about you, what you won’t give you, or them, and what you want you to be. It is not a coincidence that the ones who we feel cause us the most pain, heartache and frustration, are those who we have the closest “relationships” with. But when you truely know yourself, all that is reflected back not just from your partner but everyone you meet, is that beingness, love, completely and fully.

So when you get tired of the dream, the fairytale, it will be waiting for you, it is here at this very moment, with arms wide open, to fully embrace..

To meet you.

Are you ready?

Drowning in Fear

If all of life as we live it could be summed up in all of its energy, the main component would be fear, at its very core the fear of death. If we look at the root of all fear it is simply fear of non-existance, fear of losing everything that we equate with our lives, or livelyhood. This is why dis-ease causes so much anxiety, as we see it to be the end of ‘who we are’. But lets play a little memory game, in one moment I will ask you to close your eyes, and go back to before you were born, go into the feeling, the sounds, the tastes, colours, everything.

Do this now.

Take a moment, and take it all in.

What comes through?

Do you remember?

It may not come back in the same type of memory as you remembering your 8th birthday, or last week’s lunch with a friend.

But it is there, on the tip of your tongue. You can feel it. In your body, in your being. Even when there is blackness there is you, without form.

So how is it, that the fear of death, of nothingness can seem so real, so frightening that it can keep you up at night, keep you doing things again and again, motivating you to do more, faster. As if you were running from your own fate, and it were hunting you down.

We are constantly running away from death, but it is inevitable that one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe this next minute, or maybe 10, 20, 50 years from now, the body that sees these words will no longer be here, this is also true for anyone you know in your life now.

Why do we run from what we cannot escape from, and yet if you remember back to before you were the body, there is still something there..

there is something more than the body that is reading these words.

So why all the fuss?

Why the fear of the body breaking down, or becoming weak. Why the fear of cancer, or dis-ease.

It is there to remind you that each moment, every moment, especially THIS moment is precious. Enjoy every last sensation, the breath that is in your body, the blood that warms you, the smells around you. The look on your child’s face, or in the eyes of your pet, or the stranger passing you on the street.

Each moment is there, because you are, it is all for you. It would not be, if you weren’t.

Isn’t that incredible. Would what is happening around you, the child riding his bike, the lady crossing the street, the leaves blowing in the trees, would it be happening in exactly that way, if you were not there to see it.

Take this moment now, to be grateful for all that is around you. Do not judge it so quickly as the story is still unfolding. We never know along the storyline how perfect something was for us until the end. It is unfolding as a gift to you, to show you the path deeper into yourself. Do not be so quick to anger, or get frustrated, simply watch and see what happens. Does what you see change, when you suspend your judgement of it?

How does it feel to watch as if you were watching the movie of your life? And each character is another part of you.

Does it move you, does it open your heart, break it, does it cause you to hold your breath, or smile?

Take it all in.

Even the pain in your body, the headache..it is keeping you aware, intune, alive.

Watch it with awe and wonder, how did it come to be?

The fear is there to show you the doorway. Without the fear, we would never look.

It too is a gift to remind us of our path, how can you ever find what makes your heart beat, unless something is there to remind you it is beating?

It is not you drowning, when it is you that is also the water.